...Or Will This Make Our Nation Safer?

Homeland Security Sec'y Proposes 'Pay-as-You-Go' Stalls

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff proposed today that all stalls in American airport men's rooms be converted to "pay as you go" operation. "It has come to our attention that all sorts of things are going on in those stalls and they could have a direct effect on our national security," the secretary explained.

Chertoff added that the technology required "is well within our grasp. We can charge by time in use, much the way your basic parking meter works. We can accept cash or credit cards and the transactions will allow us to better monitor who's using these stalls and how long they're staying."

Current plans call for the Minneapolis International Airport to be the site of a pilot program to check out the effectiveness of the system. If all goes smoothly, the new stall doors will be operational, the secretary said, "just in time for the Republican National Convention."

"From what I've seen of these guys on TV, I'd say 'just in time' hits it right on the head, as it were," commented an airport security officer whose undercover work requires anonymity. "We were pretty sure we'd be working big overtime hours while the Republicans are in town."

An endorsement of the project came from an unexpected source. Senator Larry Craig, in an interview with Matt Lauer, said the secretary has his full support in what the senator initially referred to as "the Homeland Security pay-to-play program." After correcting himself the senator added, "Chertoff's right! Men could be building bombs in those stalls just as easily as they could be dropping them!"

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