2007-12-20

...Or Is This Woman After Dorothy's Shoes??


That's it.

After the past two weeks, I've made up my mind....
I will vote to put Hill-Billy in the White House only after I've made a meal of ground-glass covered (used) urinal cakes accompanied by a vintage bottle of battery acid and anti-freeze.

If she's the Democratic Party nominee, I'll skip the presidential race and move on down the ballot.

... Or Does Wee Gordie Smith Make YOUR Skin Crawl?



When Big Hearted Ole Trent made his original comments, Wee Gordie was in New Zealand and released a statement denouncing the Senate Majority Leader's comments in no uncertain terms. Now that he "knows what they meant" he's totally in agreement....

I'd love to know if Wee Gordie, like his co-religionist Willard Romney, pulled his car over to the side of the road in 1978 and wept with relief when he heard that the Grand Wizards of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would abjure the following tenet, explained in 1966 in a book on Mormon Doctrine by Apostle Bruce McConkle:

"Negroes in this life are denied the Priesthood; under no circumstances can they hold this delegation of authority from the Almighty. (Abra. 1:20-27.) The gospel message of salvation is not carried affirmatively to them... Negroes are not equal with other races where the receipt of certain spiritual blessings are concerned, particularly the priesthood and the temple blessings that flow there from, but this inequality is not of man's origin. It is the Lord's doing is based and his eternal laws of justice, and grows out of the lack of Spiritual valiance of those concerned in their first estate."

Wee Gordie spent the first 14 years of his life hearing this doctrine as the Word of God. It's sorta understandable if he's obviously flipfloppy about his feelings about Trent Lott's obviously flipfloppy approach to racism in America.

On the other hand, it could be that Wee Gordie, like Willard Romney, is a slick deceitful hypocrite of the highest (or lowest) order.

Duh.

2007-12-14

...Or Does This Look Like a Warm Up for the Arkansas Prison System's Entry in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade???


I cannot, CAN NOT, do justice to this family portrait... but if you want to read the comments of a great many sarcastic, cynical, and cruelly funny people who can, get your butt over to Wonkette - The DC Gossip and read the comments on this lovely little image... my favorite part is Mother Hucker choking the bitch. Keep in mind that while the Arkansas Governor's mansion was under reconstruction the family moved into a "trailer home." Double Wide Just. Would. Not. Cut. It!

...Or Does This Justify Banning Home Schooling?

We found this on Crooks & Liars this morning and just about lost our breakfast... C&L credits it to the National Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee. It certainly reflects their current budgetary problems.

Fair Warning: like most things Republicant, it requires a strong stomach to sit through.

2007-12-03

...Or Doth Benny Protetht Too Much?


Thanksgiving Day I posted a YouTube video starring Iowa College Republican Chairboy Benjamin Johnson suggesting that he was gonna drive Log Cabin club members wild. Now we not only have a second video, we have a letter from Benny protesting his heterosexuality. The letter comes to us from Wonkette via TowleRoad:

EMAIL FROM BEN JOHNSON TO COLLEGE REPUBLICANS

From: “Johnson, Benjamin A”
Date: Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:41:26

Dear National College Republican Leaders, Chairman and Distinguished officers,

As some of you may or may not have seen, my YouTube interviews have been raising quite a bit of controversy ( and dare I say venomous hatred?) online and in some national media outlets. As my respected colleagues I would just like to personally clarify a few things to you,

1. I am not actually gay, even though the way I dress and talk may betray that fact ever so slightly, ha.
2. Some people are responding angrily in my defense and as I truly appreciate you support please do not stoop to their levels. We are above them in so many ways and I like keeping it that way.
3. Solders in Iraq really do love beef jerky! I have the thank you letters to prove it. I encourage all of you to send them tons of it!

On a small side note, I find it strange that the ever so tolerant and accepting-of-all-lifestyles-Left have no problems calling me every gay-bashing offensive name in the book. Guess it just goes to prove that nothing is offensive or intolerant so long as your insulting a Republican. But none of it bothers me. If I am not hated by the Democrats, I am not doing my job.

Two final quick things,

I am initiating Iowa’s Operation Iraqi Christmas for the fourth year in a row and I would love to encourage all of you to be apart of it. Please visit http://www.anysoldier.com. This site is amazing! It is like a facebook for the US military serving in Iraq, and every solder has their picture up and personal Christmas wish list listed now! It is an incredible way to make an impact in the lives of these armed service men and women who fight for freedom every day. I have my chapters serving about three solders a piece, so Iowa will be sending 91 packages with our CR stickers plastered all over them so the troops know exactly who
is supporting them. I also will be sending a CR poster to every battalion with my email address asking for a thank you picture with our poster, those kind of pictures are priceless for good publicity! Just some Ideas.

Secondly, I would like to encourage all of you to join me for the Iowa Caucuses! Even though actual caucusing is reserved only for Iowa residents, there are plenty of great events going on across the state and I promise you will not be bored, which is rather rare in Iowa. I have the complete schedules of where all the candidates will be speaking during the day as well as VIP invitations from each candidate to their after parties. It would be my honor to have any of you join me for this amazing political experience! So please contact me if your interested!

I just want to say what an honor it has been working amongst such great Americans like yourselves! Thanks for your support and see you all soon!

Benjamin A. Johnson
Chairman
Iowa Federation of College Republicans

2007-11-29

...Or Is His Ignorance Showing... Again?

Appearing with Wolf Blitzer on the Situation Room today, Reverend Huckabee made the following remark "As Abe Lincoln said when he was run out of town on a rail, 'If it weren't for the honor of the thing, I'd just as soon it happened to someone else.'"

The gun totin' former Governor has confused a story Mr. Lincoln was fond of telling about an anonymous Illinoisian with something that he believes happened to Mr. Lincoln himself. Now, we all know that Mr. Huckabee has some bizarre and occasionally offensive beliefs, but somebody needs to educate him on this one...

...Or Is Darlene Missing Something??

OK. My household didn't underwrite Darlene Hooley's 2006 campaign, but we contributed a little over $100 to it. We did so even though we don't live in her district because we were appalled by the kind of nasty dishonest campaign that was being waged against her by those SwiftBoat bastards at the Economic Freedom Fund.

I also figured that a little donation might entitle me to communicate with her office on occasion. I was wrong.

Last week I sent Congresswoman Hooley a request that she support and perhaps sign on as a co-sponsor to Congressman Jason Altmire's HR 3793. The bill would require that the Pentagon pay their full enlistment or re-enlistment bonuses to service members who are unable to complete their tours of duty due to an injury directly related to their service. She's got an excellent record on behalf of American military members active and vet alike. When I finished my carefully worded email and hit the "send" button a message popped up on my screen informing me that if I lived outside the Congresswoman's district my email would be forwarded to my Representative.

Then I called the Congresswoman's West Linn office on Friday after Thanksgiving. It was closed for the holidays. I left a message suggesting that if Ms. Hooley was going to forward my emails to Congressman Wu, perhaps she'd be kind enough to do likewise with my contribution.

I have yet to get a response. I'm not holding my breath.

2007-11-26

...Or Is This Giuliani's Next Claim??

Patriot Boy posts a series of suggested posters for Rudy's campaign, taking full advantage of all the former Mayor's accomplishments... including many we didn't know about but almost certainly will before the primary season fades into bitter memory...

Hop on over to Jesus' General for the entire posting of a half-dozen posters of this Glorious Hero's accomplishments!

2007-11-22

... Is This the New Log Cabin Poster Boy??

Warning! This gives a whole new dimension to the phrase "beauty is skin deep." Good thing the kid's from Iowa not Idaho... or Larry Craig's stance would probably have to be described as Grand Canyonesque.

... Is This Part of the Abstinence Only Agenda?

First we had Dems under the thumb of His Arrogance of Obey offering the Republican'ts a $27 million increase in Abstinence Only Education funding (the first increase in 3 years) in order to seduce Congressional Christofacists into voting for his funding bill. That increase is still in legislative limbo but now, courtesy of the New York Times we find that in the name of "medicare reform," the Jeezhadists have stealth managed to raise the price prescription birth control out of the reach of innumerable college students and poor women. Email your Member of Congress about this outrage ASAP!

2007-11-15

...Does This Say It Very Effectively?



This is another Portland product we're especially proud of. It was created by Adam Klugman's Progressive Media Agency. For more background on it, check out We The People.

2007-11-12

... Or Is This Really What They Mean?

“Go above and beyond- a smile and a hello doesn’t cost anything.”

This is a quote from the current Wal•Mart TV ad that's in the mix for about the 21st cycle. All I can think of when I see it is that only at Wal•Mart could "a smile and a hello" be considered going "above and beyond." This is the same idiot ad that announces that a lot of people think that having a Wal•Mart open in your town is like getting a raise.

If I believed in the Semitic/Neo-Semitic god, I'd rest secure in the knowledge that Sam Walton is roasting alongside Milton Friedman in the hottest hole in Hell.

...Or Was This a Diabolical Plot?


A few more of these on Oregon's highways and the Yes on 49 campaign would have gone down in flames... I mean, not just California but Santa Barbara??? I can't help wondering if that was the plan.

2007-11-08

....Or Is This The Best Job of Spreading Manure I've Seem Since My Grandad's Horse Went Lame?



Al Wynn is a troglodyte who's only in the Democratic Party because it gets him elected regardless of his consistently Republican Party-line votes. Fortunately, the Progressive community raised as much for his primary challenger, Donna Edwards, as The Pelosi Posse made for Big Al "Wynn At Any Cost."

Our thanks to Down With Tyranny for the tip and editing the Speaker's horse splat.

...Does Fox Make You Want to Shower with Industrial Solvent?

2007-11-02

...Or Are These Just Lips on the Radarscreen?


Republican ladies are NOT born with thin lips!




Research newly published by The
Heritage Foundation posits the controversial theory that Republican ladies are not genetically pre-disposed to thin lips. After researching decades of photographs dating back to mid-19th century, including several generations of the same families, the foundation has advanced the controversial theory that while Republican women are notorious for their thin lips- Barbara Bush, Jean Schmidt, Phyllis Schlafly and Heather Wilson are offered as examples above- they are not born that way.

In this nature vs. nurture debate, the foundation report says that nurture is the cause for the condition known as RTLL
(Republican Thin Lipped Ladies) Syndrome. After observing "hours upon hours" of film and video of Republican women, researchers insist that the thin lips of most Republican women are a direct result of pressing them together in an expression of "prim distaste or grim disgust." As one proof of their theory, the researchers offered the following photograph:What? Wellllllllllllllll... the Senate minority leader may not be a Republican woman but Ms. McConnell is almost certainly a Republican lady!

2007-10-25

...Or Is This Not Really a Crime?

New word alert! Courtesy of the Washington Post's The Trail. Following a story headlined "For Obama, Friends Like These Mean Playing Defense," comes this 9:56 PM posting from vamonticello:

"What about Hillary, she is married to an abuser, purgery and a serial cheater. She does not have the judgement [sic] to be president."

Ah, yes. Pur•ger•y [perjeree] - noun (pl. -ries) Act of sticking things down one's throat to make one vomit.

I'm guessin' that makes it more Monica's vice than Bill's. Right, Hil? Yup, I think Hil likes it.

2007-10-24

...Or Is This Woman After Dorothy's Shoes?

Back in the day, when Mayor Gavin Newsom started marrying same sex couples and found himself taking a ton of horsedoody from anatomically appropriate sources like Barney Frank and Diane Feinstein I wrote this pome:

Why would DiFi trash the mayor
Just for making marriage gayer?
The answer really shouldn't floor us:
Her nickname IS Diane-osaurous!


Now, California's very, very senior Senator has crossed the line to become the tie-breaking vote allowing the nomination of another Bush adminstration racist, sexist, homophobic legal genius to reach the Senate floor whereupon she joined with the Republicans to confirm him- he now has a lifetime pass to screw with the rights of women, minorities, and gays. In celebration, I'd like to offer this little doggerel–

"You'll lack this judge," ole Trent Lott told her
"He lacks his wimmen spry but older.
"He don't like blacks and just hates fags
"But he don't mind some droops and sags
"Nor wrinkles nor some dry foam texture..."
(Mind you this is pure conjecture)
"You do go on" Ms. Feinstein said,
"And it all goes straight to my head.
"But you know, Trent, you are da man
"Just tell me when to raise my hand."
She doddered off to her committee
Feeling youthful, even giddy,
And when the Dems refused to budge,
DiFi made a jerk a judge!


I'd encourage you to follow up on this story in a somewhat less polemic environment... over at Down With Tyranny.

...Or Should We Throw a Licker Tape Parade?



"I took a city that was known for pornography and licked it to a large extent...."

New York Daily News

That Rudy! He's always been a tongue-in-chic kinda guy!


Thanks to Taegan Goddard's Political Wire.

2007-10-21

...Or Is Barack Embracing the Wrong Changes?

HuffPo just made me seriously regret the money my partner and I have been sending to Barack Obama. In an AMERICAblog post, John Aravosis announces that Barack's Embrace the Change concert series in South Carolina will prominently feature gospel singer and Bush supporter (which may be redundant) Donnie McClurkin. Senator Obama is apparently embracing more changes than his constituency had been led to expect.

Wikipedia quotes Mr. McClurkin's autobiography this way:
"The abnormal use of my sexuality continued until I came to realize that I was broken and that homosexuality was not God's intention... for my masculinity." It then adds, "He then describes himself as going through a process by which he became 'a saved and sanctified man'."

Aravosis cites a WaPo piece:
"Gospel singer Donnie McClurkin, who has detailed his struggle with gay tendencies and vowed to battle 'the curse of homosexuality,' said yesterday he'll perform as scheduled at the [2004] Republican National Convention on Thursday, despite controversy over his view that sexuality can be changed by religious intervention. 'I can't let off. I didn't call myself -- God called me to do what I do,' McClurkin told The Post's Hamil R. Harris. The Grammy winner declared, 'If this is a war, we are willing to fight. Not a war of violence, but a war of purpose.'"

Amen to that, sister!

Let's get one last citation in. This is from Keith Boykin's excellent 2005 essay profiling McClurkin:

"'Love is pulling you one way and lust is pulling you another and your relationship with Jesus is tearing you,' McClurkin told the media. He says that God delivered him from homosexuality, and since that time, he has been counseling adolescent boys that homosexuality is merely a lifestyle choice that can be overcome." (Emphasis mine).

We've just sent Senator Obama an email informing him that we won't be contributing in future to his campaign. At this point we've just about had it... and Hillary can have the nomination and we'll just skip the presidential line on our ballots for the first time since 1968.

2007-10-20

...Or Are The Kiwis on to Something?


Yup. It's a real billboard from New Zealand.
You gotta admit it's a good picture.
Full disclosure: It's for a Pizza Delivery service.

2007-10-19

... Or Beauty Should In Contest Be He?

Just Read It and Weep...

"This is absolutely another wonderful opportunity to enter public service at a different level, focusing on issues like globalization and issues that I think that I genuinely care about and I think have learned a lot about some expertise on now and try to carry that to a new level as we do try to educate our kids for a global economy," he said. "So that's something in the back of my mind that definitely interests me and the opportunity, and I think I would do a good job."

The beauty contest this came from is the race for Congress from the 3rd District of Minnesota. The "MC" was a reporter from from Minnesota Public Radio. The contestant is state representative Erik Paulsen who is described by Swing State Project as "the leading contender to replace retiring Rep. Jim Ramstad. Do I have to tell you he's a Republican?

Our thanks to Swing State and thru them to MNPublius who posted it first.

2007-10-16

...Or Will This Make Our Nation Safer?


Homeland Security Sec'y Proposes 'Pay-as-You-Go' Stalls

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff proposed today that all stalls in American airport men's rooms be converted to "pay as you go" operation. "It has come to our attention that all sorts of things are going on in those stalls and they could have a direct effect on our national security," the secretary explained.

Chertoff added that the technology required "is well within our grasp. We can charge by time in use, much the way your basic parking meter works. We can accept cash or credit cards and the transactions will allow us to better monitor who's using these stalls and how long they're staying."

Current plans call for the Minneapolis International Airport to be the site of a pilot program to check out the effectiveness of the system. If all goes smoothly, the new stall doors will be operational, the secretary said, "just in time for the Republican National Convention."

"From what I've seen of these guys on TV, I'd say 'just in time' hits it right on the head, as it were," commented an airport security officer whose undercover work requires anonymity. "We were pretty sure we'd be working big overtime hours while the Republicans are in town."

An endorsement of the project came from an unexpected source. Senator Larry Craig, in an interview with Matt Lauer, said the secretary has his full support in what the senator initially referred to as "the Homeland Security pay-to-play program." After correcting himself the senator added, "Chertoff's right! Men could be building bombs in those stalls just as easily as they could be dropping them!"

2007-10-14

...Or We Becoming a 3rd World Country???

OK, I'm cribbing this from Murdoch's latest Goy Toy (WSJ) and I'd sincerely suggest that you head over there to read the whole story, but according to them and the IRS:

"The wealthiest 1% of Americans earned 21.2% of all income in 2005... That is up sharply from 19% in 2004 and surpasses the previous high of 20.8% set in 2000 at the peak of the previous bull market in stocks.

"The bottom 50% earned 12.8% of all income, down from 13.4% in 2004 and a bit less than their 13% share in 2000."

Keep that figure for the lowest 50% in mind the next time you hear some overpaid Fox Noise Reader prattle on about how the top 1% paid 90% of the taxes in this country.

Like Aunt Mary used to say, "The rich get richer and the poor get children."

And our thanks to Senator Clinton, Murdoch's choice for president, for acting out our rage.

2007-10-13

...Or Could Debtors' Prisons be the Answer??


Cheney Outlines New "Security for
American Mortgage Borrowers Initiative"


Vice President Cheney this morning announced a new initiative to "aid those made homeless b
ecause they defaulted on their mortgages." In a major speech to an association of mortgage lenders, the VP announced a program to provide free housing and "three squares" a day to Americans whose homes were foreclosed on by members of the banking and loan industries.

Under the S.A.M.B.I. program, adult members of families who lose their homes will be provided with compulsory housing at state-run institutions and facilities for periods of time from one to 20 years, depending on how much they owed the lending institution at the time of their default. "We have yet to work out the details," Cheney said, "but we're thinking in the neighborhood of one year for each unit of $50,000 lost by the lender." While being housed, these adults will be offered the opportunity to reduce the balance of their debts by working at tasks assigned by the facility at the prevailing minimum wage. Those who decline the opportunity to work could find their sentences extended indefinitely. "These people obviously lacked the discipline required to function effectively in our society," Cheney explained, "and this will be an excellent chance for them to learn that discipline."

Minor children of defaulters would be enrolled in "excellent residential education facilities" designed to teach them "vocational skills that will prepare them for their roles the future global economy." Among the examples offered by the Vice President were environment recovery efforts in formerly military and industrial tracts, variable and seasonal agricultural harvest skills, meat processing professions with an emphasis on animal intake activities, and a variety of domestic personal service disciplines.

The Vice President summed up the initiative this way, "This is the logical next step after our No Child Left Behind and our bankruptcy reforms. It is the very essence of compassionate conservatism."

2007-10-05

... Or Is There Some Symbolism Goin' On Here?



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Rumor has it Barack Obama's response was "I feel Bill's pain," or not.

... Or Is Something Missing Here?

OK. What do these states have in common?

Arizona
Connecticutt
California
Illinois
Maryland
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New York
Washington



All Democratic governors? Nope. All went for Kerry in 2004? Nope. Democratic majorities in state legislatures? Nope. They're the states that have thus far indicated their intentions to sue the Bush administration over stealth rules changes that force states to strip some recipients of the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) from the rolls. This is in addition to the Decisioner in Chief's unconscionable veto of an expansion of the program.

The question of the hour, day, week is why isn't Oregon on that list. Why aren't 41 other states?

2007-10-03

...Or does this give Dancing with the Stars new depth?


The Portland Trailblazers' newkid Channing Frye (left) and terminally hot Jason Przybilla seem confused about who's supposed to lead in this shot from the daily Oregonian.

The possible captions are dazzling...

2007-09-25

...Or Is This Hilarious?

This video had me roaring with laughter.
Hope you enjoy it as much....
video
The kid has George III's mannerisms down to a T. I can't figure out why John Stewart hasn't had him on yet.

2007-09-24

... Will The Log Cabin Club Be Stalling?

This just in...
The Republican Party has announced the site for Log Cabin Club caucuses during the 2008 convention in Minneapolis -
We've been assured that the airport facility has enough space that every openly gay Republican attending may have his own stall... if, of course, that's what they want. The suggestion for the site came from a wide-stanced former Senator who "is not gay and has never been gay" but who does love to talk about "nasty, naughty boys."

2007-09-22

... Is This Buchanan's Interior Manifesting?

Buchanan is changing his style -
He now starts his rants with a smile.
He's bluff, hale and hearty,
The life of his party
But his ticker's still pumping pure bile.











Thanks to the Orca Bookstore in Olympia for having this in their window.

... Is Little Offal Annie Coulter A Drag?

A Poetic (X-Rated) Encounter with Ann Coulter

O’Hare - a snowy winter night,

The weather had delayed my flight
“At least an hour, no more than two.”
I thought a drink (or two) would do
To pass the hour(s) I had to wait.
I found a bar quite near the gate.
A single seat left at the bar
Beside a blond, posed like a star
Waiting for the “Action” shout
To let her inner beauty out.

I sat. Her square jaw swiveled round,
Serpentine, without a sound.
I knew her when she tried to smile–
Thin lizard lips with flecks of bile-
More like a grimace than a grin,
“Shall we let the games begin?”
Tall she was, and long and lank.
Her scent I’ll just describe as rank-
Fire and brimstone, sulfur (hot),
Mixed with tuna left to rot.

“I just came in to have a drink”
I said, while gagging on the stink.
“Damn! Another liberal fag,
You people make me want to gag!”
“I know the feeling well,” I said,
“Is something near here freshly dead?”
“No queers,” she answered, “No such luck.
But I’m looking for someone to fuck.
I have a dildo up my bum,
But it no longer makes me cum.
I keep it up there, side by side,
With a broomstick that I used to ride.”

“Oh, Gawd, not ME! I’d sooner die
Than plunge into that big brown eye!
As much as I hate getting bossed
I’m far more scared of getting lost
In the vastness of that yawning space.
I think I’ll find another place
To spend the time before my flight.”

“Bitch!” she hissed, “My fudgehole’s tight!
Too tight! Cause what was heading South
Has started coming out my mouth.”
I gagged at that point, then I sobbed
As her Adam’s Apple bobbed,
Threatening up a poopy shower
Like she sprayed at poor Matt Lauer.

Shriveling, sniveling, then I fled
Fearing they might find me dead
If I stayed one minute more.
“Run! You little faggot whore,”
Her voice like chalkboard scratches shrieked,
Mindless of the terror wreaked
On a crowd that then stampeded-
Toward doors and windows unimpeded,
Frightened, panicked, driven daft.
Annie just sat there and laughed.

“They’re paying for their liberal sins”
Ann sneered, and headed for the Men’s.

...Or Is This Cost Way Too Freakin' High???

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